I am currently pioneering what I’m going to refer to as “hot-sleeping”. Not as sexy as it sounds I’m afraid! Akin to the concept of hot-desking, where one finds oneself a new base on a regular basis; hot-sleeping sees the individual moving from place to place in order to find a place to rest one’s head. This week I have slept on my sister’s floor, in my sister’s bed and in the coming weeks will sleep in my old bed (now semi-belonging to my grandmother) and the sofa bed (once it returns from the upholsterer!).
Oxford and I have officially broken up for the time being. I got tired of fighting the minimum wage war and it got tired of fighting me. I’ve been scouting for jobs in London with no success. I love London but apparently London doesn’t love me quite so much. So, after sitting down and taking a long hard look at my life and myself, I re-applied for a teaching job I was offered in Indonesia a few months ago.
When I started my degree four years ago, it was because I wanted to study other cultures, create a dialogue with them and basically expand my own understanding of humanity as a whole. I always wanted to be a writer and work for someone like National Geographic; documenting the far corners of the world and their wonders. Somewhere along the line, I lost any sense of ambition. Possibly because I am one of those people who never took a gap year. I’ve been stuck to the education framework since before I can remember. It may sound mad, but I struggle with the fact that I am 22! It sounds weird when I say my age out loud in a way that suggests I never truly thought about what happened after being 21.
Our deepest dreams and desires never truly leave us, despite what we may do, or have done to us, to cover them up. They reside in our subconscious and influence which opportunities we take and how much effort we put into each one that we’re given. A lot of us get lost in the clamour of “what we should do” according to society/parents/friends. I know I’m one of those people. Perhaps all the recruiters that read my applications could simply tell that I knew I could thrive in the role but not as much as I could if I followed my actual intentions for my life.
The exciting news is that I received another offer of employment and I will soon be jetting off to the other side of the planet to teach English. I’ll also be getting into photography and travel blogging, whist maintaining some freelance writing work.
The upheaval in my life over the past few days really highlighted just how cosy I had become. I’ve never had such an extreme feeling of being afraid of leaving my comfort zone. It shocked me because I always intended to be adventurous and flexible. I’m pretty sure if I didn’t leave now, I would stay in Oxford until I was an old crone. So, I pulled the plug on my Oxford life and watched it disappear into an invisible drain. The white walls of my room slowly became exposed from the top down; books, pictures, ornaments, all vanishing into boxes and most going to charity or recycle. Half of my electronic existence disappeared into a black hole when I reset my iPad and sold it to my dad.
Life is stripping me back down to my basics and preparing me for somewhere new.